CHRIS FARLEY: YOU ARE MISSED

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Trying out the new XBOX Netflix free download thing tonight- we watched 'Billy Madison,' which led me to dig up some old SNL clips for some of the international folk who had never seen the miracle of Chris Farley.

I know it goes without saying but, damn, I miss this guy so much. Watching the Lunch Lady Land video above reminds me why Chris Farley is so amazing.

He's fun and hilarious in a ways that aren't cynical or jaded, nor ever negative. He makes fun of himself, but even when it's self-depricating he's celebrating life. He's so powerful and yet he doesn't take himself too seriously. He's sooo talented but still he's having fun. Even though he clearly wasn't happy much of the time, he made everyone else smile. I'm sad he's gone but he had an effect, and we still have his legacy.

When I was searching around for him tonight, the first images that came up on Google (I wasn't prepared for this) were graphic close-up images of the deceased Farley on the carpet floor hours after his overdose. I won't elaborate, but needless to say it was grotesque and very jarring. For me this was a violent, perverted image of a fallen angel.

I don't know if there's anything to say about the loss of young talent. It seems to happen all the time, most recently with Heath Ledger. You can bet it will again sometime soon, it always does. Drugs and self-destruction always haunt the talented and famous.

With regards to legacy, though, how are you supposed to read it? What if you argue that, Chris Farley, for instance, was high on coke during most of his skits, maybe even movies, and that he wouldn't have been as funny or endearing if he'd been sober or if he'd lost 200 pounds. What if he didn't die and went on to ruin his name like Eddie Murphy or Madonna? How would Hendrix or Joplin or anyone else go on to live their lives? Or did they even want to?

Mildly trite questions I know, but when you see something like Chris Farley, and you miss him and love him so much, and on one hand you just want the best for him...but then you admit: you liked him with his life in disorder, he was a trainwreck but he was funny. That's the way you like him even if it means he had to die.

My friend Shanna once explained it to me as "cycles," I believe was the word. I was remarking (we were 22 at the time) about how the actor River Phoenix died younger than us and yet had such an accomplished/ artistic carreer, and we had done shit. Shanna told me not to worry because River Phoenix was just on a different cycle than us; his cycle was over and we were still in our own cycles; that we would make a legacy according to our own cycles.

I like this way of thinking because it kind of makes you more of an authority in your own destiny. And it also kind of takes the sadness out of untimely deaths; like the deceased was meant to die and was even complacent, perhaps, or willing.

Chris, you are missed buddy, and you'll always be here, even if it's only on YouTube.